


to feel dizzy, to derail the mind of me

by myrowkelow



Series: All That Glitters Is Not Gold [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fjord and Beau are the best brjeaus, Gen, Mention of Fjord/Avantika, Mention of Jester Lavorre, Mention of Mollymauk Tealeaf, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, background beaujester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrowkelow/pseuds/myrowkelow
Summary: Monday morning classes are the worst. But today, Fjord is hyper-focused and pays too much attention to the teacher. Beau is worried.
Relationships: Fjord & Beauregard Lionett
Series: All That Glitters Is Not Gold [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592467
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	to feel dizzy, to derail the mind of me

**Author's Note:**

> Main title is from the song Sedated by Hozier.  
> Chapter title is from the Hamildrop version of 'I Wrote My Way Out' featuring Nas, Dave East, Lin-Manuel Miranda & Aloe Blacc.

Monday morning classes are a nightmare. Beauregard never understood why she thought it would be a good idea to get up so early on a Monday. She is half slumped on the table of her class, her laptop open in front of her and her coffee already finished. She glances at her phone, frowns when she sees the time. It's 7:58am and Fjord is nowhere to be found. He was the reason she decided to take early classes. He would be there with her, sharing the misery of their bad academic choices. She yawns for the hundredth time and straightens up as the clock hits 8 on the dot. Fjord waltz in, in-extremis, and rushes to his spot next to Beau.

The class starts and the professor seems to be as exhausted as all the other students. Heh, a rough weekend for everyone, it seems. Beau is wondering if she can sneak in a short power nap, but the silent anxious energy next to her is impossible to ignore. It almost pulls her in.

Fjord is... Focused.

It's super weird.

He has been paying attention to the teacher for more than forty-five minutes now, eyes following his hand that's scribbling what the teacher makes sure to highlight during the lecture. Fjord's free hand is fidgeting with the notebook's metal spine and his knee is furiously jumping up and down. He had always been a fidgeter, Beau knew, but today was on a whole other level. The table they are sharing actually shaking so much she has to catch her rolling pen twice.

But Fjord doesn't even notice he's doing anything. He barely acknowledged her when he dropped on his chair next to her and never once replied to any of her snarky comments during the lecture.

Beauregard is annoyed and bored out of her mind, but she lets him do his thing. She texts Molly, asking them if anything happened over the weekend. She gets a reply a few seconds later: Molly had spent the weekend at a friend after the group gettogether; they weren't at the apartment and didn't text Fjord either. 

Beau and Jester had come back from a quick weekend getaway for their first anniversary together and arrived so late on Sunday that the apartment was dark and silent. They didn't pay much attention to their phone while they were away. So Fjord had spent his days off alone at their shared apartment. 

Her brow furrows a little and she tries another glance at Fjord. He is now absentmindedly chewing the end of his pencil at an awkward angle. Beau sighs audibly before slapping his forearm, gently but firmly, to get his attention. He turns his head toward her, finally coming back to reality. She gives him a severe look as she whispers:

''Leave your tusks alone, man.''

Fjord looks at her, clearly ashamed of being caught, before dropping his pencil on the table. She can hear him taking a few deep breaths before the fidgeting starts anew. At least, he leaves his teeth alone.

When it's finally time for the first break, she follows him out of the classroom. They walk together in silence to the cafeteria like they always do. They both grab the biggest coffee cups possible and some snacks to keep them awake for the rest of the class. After paying, Beau grabs Fjord by the arm and drags him through the set of double doors leading outside. She ignores his protests as she leads him to a set of benches under a cluster of trees.

''What the fuck do you want?'' he asks, impatience clear in his face and in his voice.

''Woah, calm down. I just want to talk,'' Beau reassures him, taking a sip of her coffee. She is the one asking questions here, not him. ''What's wrong with you? You're being weird.''

He glares and huffs.

''Ain't nothing wrong with me,'' he answers defensively. He rubs at the skin just under his lips and she knows he's about to start picking at his tusks again. She tries to grab his wrist but he knocks her hand away from his face.

''Get your hand outta my face.''

''Then. Leave. Your. Damn. Stupid. Teeth. Alone.'' She pronounces every single word so they can burrow their way in his thick skull. ''You never pick at them in public. Clearly, something's on your mind.'' Her voice softens. ''Come on, man. It's me.''

He groans, letting his head fall back while his knee starts shaking once again. Beau keeps staring at him, hoping he'll open up sooner rather than later. They have nine minutes before they need to be back in class.

''It was... It was a long weekend,'' he finally lets out.

''Why didn't you text me?''

''Didn't want to be the one ruining you gals' anniversary,'' he shrugs. He stays silent for a few precious minutes. Beau can see the gears turning in his head. It's clear to her he wants to say more but he needs time to carefully choose his words.

''I... Hm. I was lonely,'' is all he admits.

But Beau understands exactly what he means. She scrubs her face with her free hand. She cannot believe him. He went back to Avantika. The idiot decided it was easier to text Avantika instead of any of their friends. Beau feels like screaming at this dumb idiot, she feels like punching sense into his empty brain, she feels like grabbing his shoulders and shake him until he pukes. What a fucking moron.

''Fjord... you know better.''

Fjord takes another sip of his coffee, shooting a quick glance at his phone. Beau follows his gaze. She sees a notification for an unread text and squints to make out who texted him this early. Her shoulders slump when she reads Avantika's name. He dismisses the notification by a quick swipe of his thumb before Beau could read what Avantika had to say and gets up.

''We'll be late for class. Come on, Beau.''

She follows him, a few steps behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Because Fjord is slow to trust people, even his best friends, I can see why he would rather go back to the devil he knows rather than being openly vulnerable with his closest friends. This Fjord is not the Fjord from episode 94 who has ''mostly'' (i'm using this word loosely) his shit together.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little angst party.  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3  
> Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
